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Wednesday, September 6, 2017

No Such Thing as a Perfect Marriage

Preface: Being LDS, I have drawn my quotes from LDS church leaders. There are many great talks from the leaders of the church, but I used only two. Please feel free to read them in their entirety and also to search for others. It’s worth the time!


No marriage is perfect. Marriage is not easy. It takes hard work and continual improvement. No one person is the perfect partner.

It is so easy to place blame on the other person in a relationship; it’s easy to point out every little thing they need to be better at. But how often do we ask ourselves, “What can I improve upon?” or “How can I be better for my spouse?”

Have you ever thought possibly the reason why your partner does certain things is because you enable it?  How often is something (whether tangible or intangible) not completed by your spouse and you get upset with them? Perhaps it’s not them that didn’t complete the task or action, but rather you who didn’t allow it.

In a talk, “Nurturing Marriage,” by Elder Russell M. Nelson of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles in the LDS Church, in the April 2006 General Conference, he spoke of a married couple on a plane. The wife was gently stroking her husband’s neck, showing affection, while her husband paid no attention and was deeply involved in his electronic device. Wouldn’t it be ironic if this husband were constantly complaining of his wife not showing physical affection? Maybe it’s not that she didn’t show affection, but that it wasn’t on his time. So over time, perhaps the wife stopped trying because he pushed her away. He enabled the action of her not showing affection.

This principle can be applied to many scenarios. But just think for a minute of the things that annoy or bother you about your partner (I know we can all think of something). Ask yourself, “Did I enable that behavior?”

In that same talk by Elder Nelson, he said, “Marriage brings greater possibilities for happiness than does any other human relationship. Yet some married couples fall short of their full potential. They let their romance become rusty, take each other for granted, allow other interests or clouds of neglect to obscure the vision of what their marriage really could be. Marriages would be happier if nurtured more carefully.”

Another question to ask yourself: “Did I enable the behavior because I allowed my marriage to become ‘rusty’?”

Dating and courting can be exciting. Flirting and physical affection, among other things, are great ways to keep that “spark” alive. But it’s easy to let life get in the way of the relationship that matters most.

In his talk, “Marriage: Watch and Learn,” Elder L. Whitney Clayton said, “Both the husband and wife “leave behind their single life and establish their marriage as [their] first priority. … They allow no other person or interest to have greater priority …’”

Although we need to leave behind our single lives when we find a partner, it doesn’t mean it has to be boring. Share the excitement. Take interest in each other’s hobbies or discover new things to do together. You don’t need to be the “boring, married couple” that people so often imply.

It’s important that we nourish our relationships; marriage is the most sacred union.

We all need to take a step back and self-reflect.

Elder Clayton also said, “Spouses who regularly conduct honest self-examination and promptly take needed steps to repent and improve experience a healing balm in their marriages. Repentance helps restore and maintain harmony and peace… “…Humility means that both husbands and wives seek to bless, help, and lift each other, putting the other first in every decision.”

Let us focus on the changes we need to make and not the changes we think our spouse needs to make.




Tuesday, March 25, 2014

We're only human

So because I am not working at the moment, I have more free time and am able to go run errands during the day. Well, today I went to Walmart to pick up a few items, and I really wanted to share something I witnessed.

I was waiting in the checkout line while the man in front of me was finishing his purchase. He ran his credit card through the machine, and the cashier then asked to see his ID. The gentleman then got angry at the cashier for asking for his ID. The cashier explained to the man that it was store policy to ask for the ID when a credit card is used. The gentleman then snapped back that no one asked for his ID yesterday or the day before, or the day before that, etc. The cashier remained calmed, finished the transaction and told the man to have a nice day and the man stomped off angrily while mumbling what I am sure were not nice things.

Have people really forgotten that we are all human and that sometimes we make mistakes? Sometimes we remember to do certain things and sometimes we forget. It makes me sad when we lose sight that no one is perfect. Only God and Christ are perfect.

The world would be a much better place if we all just stepped back and remembered that we are all just trying to do the best we can and that we all make mistakes sometimes. Let us all try to be better and have patience with one another.

Also, when I witnessed this happening in the store, and was reminded that we are all human, I was also reminded of a talk from the last General Conference for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, the Second Counselor in the First Presidency of the Church gave the talk titled, "Come, Join with Us." I would encourage all my fellow LDS friends to refresh your memories and read that talk here. And even if you aren't LDS, you can feel free to read it as well. I love the message that is shared. Please, open your minds and your hearts to the overall message of what President Uchtdorf shared. I know it to be true.

Again, let us remember to have patience and remember that we all make mistakes and aren't perfect. Have a great day!